Today, instead of handing out free candy to small children from my mini-van and climbing on pallets in the stockroom of Wal-mart in 4 inch heels, I had to deal with the horrible task of moving my storage unit from a 10 x 15 foot to a 10 x 10 foot. This meant cleaning, organizing, heavy lifting, and at least 2 trips to the dump to get rid of old crap that has accumulated in the back where I don’t have to deal with it. The only upside to today was that since I was going to get all gross anyway, I didn’t have to get up early to shower and become cute, so I got to sleep in! Around 8, I drove over to the storage lot, entered my code for the security gate, and pulled up next to my slot…then spent 30 minutes trying to sweet talk my key into turning. It has always been a touch fussy, but this was ridiculous. Unfortunately, the office didn’t open for almost another hour, so I went off in search of WD-40…or a big strong man!
Around 10 am, having failed 6 more times myself, and finding out from Ken, the storage worker, that this was an on-going issue, didn’t his manager call me, I gave up and decided we would have to cut it off. Problem, Ken can’t cut it off, his GM has to do it. Problem: GM is on a plane from California right now, but he could do it tomorrow afternoon… I’m not exactly known for my patience, so I told Ken I would figure something out. This is how I ended up in Home Depot, attempting to reflect the butch look with my old blue jeans, Northface jacket, and sneakers (surprisingly, I do own a couple pairs…they just don’t get much use…). I don’t think they believed me though, it might have been due to my handbag nestled in the crook of my elbow and the hot pink shoes matching the jacket…
I strolled into the tool aisle, and immediately 2 very confused looking employees headed my way. The first man was near the power tools, so I told him I was just looking. I had the second man point me in the direction of bolt cutters…and since he followed me over there, asked him to find me a pair of 36 inch cutters. Only a brief moment of fear passed in his eyes as he carefully handed me a 24 inch set, the largest in stock, and when I told him those simply weren’t big enough, he couldn’t help himself from asking me what I needed to cut. “A lock” I told him, and then headed back towards the power tools…
The little man in power tools came back to my side and I asked him to show me the grinders. He started into his sales pitch, asking me what “he” was going to use the grinder for. Excuse me, who’s “he”? Well, he said, he, she, who ever you are buying it for. I’m buying it for myself you chauvanistic little man! Okay, so what do you want to grind? Metal…a metal lock. He stared at me in disbelief… I just smiled, picked up the closest box and special metal grinding disc, and told him it was a very strong lock.
I believe that should have the boys of Home Depot wondering for a couple days. I, on the other hand, am the proud owner of my first power tool (it’s kind of awesome, shoots off sparks when it’s running…) and got into my storage unit before lunch! Of course, by then the flying cockroaches had found out about my plans to clean and they were in a tizzy…it was a very long day.
Perhaps you would be willing to drop by my convenience store and cut the locks on the skeletal remains of the 10 speed bikes that have been picked clean by thieves and left to languish in front on my store.
I am willing to make payment in the form of discounted dairy products
I’m so proud of you !!!
Aren’t you always in search of a big strong man?
[...] When it was time to head inside, I dreaded which salesman was going to pounce, and although Red got that look in his eye, he was too far away, so Steve got there first. I was standing by the Z350 Roadster (I would look very good in a convertible…), so I asked him to pop the trunk…weird I know, but I have to have a space to transport my shoes! Unfortunately, the battery was dead, so he had to get cables and jump it. Call me crazy, but if you are trying to sell a fancy, new $40K car, shouldn’t you maintain it a little better? Steve was actually decent, not too pushy, and I almost changed my opinion on car salesmen in general…and then he became the first of the day to inquire where my husband was. Steve, does your brother work in the power tools section of Home Depot by any chance?? [...]